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| Request Speaker |
| Fee: $2500/exp |
| Missouri Based |
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Jeff Havens
Uncrapify Your Life!
World renowned super-guru Jeff Havens delivers a laugh-out-loud hour of pseudo-motivation that will leave you feeling better than you have in years - guaranteed!
Tired of dull, uninspiring motivational speakers?
Let's make one thing clear: Jeff is not a real motivational speaker. Not by a long shot. No, Uncrapify Your Life! is a spoof of the motivational model, a satirical offering that provides all the wrong advice in a hilarious, tongue-in-cheek fashion.
The three pillars of the Uncrapify Your Life! program include:
1) Become a better communicator by learning how to more effectively criticize others.
2) Grow as an individual by improving your ignorance.
3) Learn how to handle responsibility by outsourcing blame.
Filled with cheesy acronyms, silly rhyming phrases, audience participation, and all the other elements of a traditional motivational speech, the Uncrapify Your Life! program is a great way to provide a message to your business or corporation in a fun, interesting, novel fashion.
Looking for an entertainer with a message?
By itself, the Uncrapify Your Life! seminar address issues of communication, education, and responsibility in a fun, lighthearted way perfect for corporate Christmas parties or as a fun alternative to a serious lecture. However, Jeff is perfectly able to tailor his seminar to fit the needs of any client.
Look no further!
Jeff is a professional comedian and still tours nationally at clubs, colleges, and corporations across the country. A Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Vanderbilt University and former high school teacher, he blends his trademark humor with a message that everyone can relate to and enjoy. He is also the author of six books, including Nine Easy Ways to Uncrapify Your Life!, Reality, and Divine Intervention.
Jeff Havens graduated from Vanderbilt University with a dream: to teach the young men and women of America about the beauty and poetry of the English language. After two years of teaching, however, Jeff made a startling and fateful discovery – the English language is far too absurd to be taken seriously. So he embarked on a new quest: to make the people of America laugh, which ended up being far easier than trying to make his students excited about the wonders of passive voice.
In the last few years Jeff has performed his intelligent, high-energy act alongside Dave Coulier, Ralphie May, Auggie Smith, and dozens of other national acts. His comedy is a hilarious trip down the twisty, yellow-brick road of our moronic native tongue, a charismatic combination of George Carlin (without the vulgarity) and Eddie Izzard (without the makeup).
Here’s a sampling of some of the fascinating things you’ll learn by watching Jeff’s comedy:
• Boanthropy, metapneustic, sesquipedalophobia, and some more words that hopefully
don’t apply to you or anyone you care about
• Courvoisier, Lemonjello, and other names you should never give to your children
• “Whistling angrily” and 7 other things you’ll never be able to do
• “Political science” and other adorable oxymorons
• “No offense…” and other blatant lies
• How to more effectively amuse yourself at your friends’ expense
• And a lot more…
Jeff was born in 1978, just in time to catch the premier of Superman in its original glory. His first several years were bleak from a comedic point-of-view; indeed, he said almost nothing funny until he was nine years old, when he finally entered the world of comedy with an evocative and poignant recitation of the time-honored phrase, “I know you are…but what am I?”
He began writing at the age of thirteen, and completed his first novel (a fantasy) in only three short months. A miraculous rate of creation, you might think, until you realize that it was a terrible book that its author will never let anybody read. However, fifteen years of practice and perseverance has improved Jeff’s writing considerably. His first novel, Reality, was published by Academy Chicago Publishers to critical acclaim in 2006. He has written five other novels, two satirical ‘self-help’ books (including Nine Easy Ways to Uncrapify Your Life!), one book of poetry, a children's play, and dozens of short stories. Jeff is confident that some of them will eventually be published, and others will die in obscurity where they belong.
In 2000, Jeff graduated from Vanderbilt University with degrees in English and Secondary Education, and taught high school for two years. They were two long years, very long indeed, but they were invaluable preparation for his eventual transition into comedy. Because frankly, the worst comedy audiences in the world aren’t half as bad as a classroom full of bored, hormonally-imbalanced teenagers. Thanks to that experience, Jeff is happy to perform for anyone, confident that none of his college or corporate audiences will throw things at him.
Now, in 2006, Jeff has been a full-time comedian and professional speaker for several years. He’s performed for audiences in over 30 states and parts ofCanada, and so far he hasn’t been banned from returning to any of them. What’s next for Jeff? Perhaps a run at the presidency, although he’ll have to wait until he’s 35. But for now, Jeff is happy where he is.
"Thanks so much for making an appearance at our annual winter get-together for Meredith Corporation's Special Interest Media group. Your presentation, "Uncrapify Your Life," was hilarious, witty, and a lot of fun. Couldn't believe you could keep up the pace for more than an hour, and all of it was fresh and upbeat. The PowerPoint accompaniment was icing on the cake.
Thanks to you, everyone had a great time and we were buzzing about it for days afterward. We'll certainly have to have you come back for a return engagement."
-John Riha Editorial Director Special Interest Media Meredith Corp.
"Excellent! Jeff was very funny, and he brought awareness to our clients of some of the things we do - like Outsourcing Blame - that we take for granted. All around a great show!"
Dianne Covell, Operations Manager, Keith Hawthorne Ford
"Fantastic! Uncrapify Your Life is perfect - very funny. It was all wonderful!"
Cary McCaghren, Intracorp
"Great, funny, the best non-motivational speech ever!"
Amanda McLaughlin, Executive Director of Marketing, Eckman/Freeman & Assoc.
"Jeff was hilarious! He involved the audience and kept us laughing. I wouldn't change a thing!"
Starla Ford, Claims Examiner, Sedgwick
"Loved the concept! Jeff was entertaining, energetic, and real. It was great!"
Tonya Lanahan, Brentwood Services
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